Saturday, 24 May 2008

I'm really sorry I didn't like Juno

I feel really bad that I didn't like Juno. Almost everyone I know who's seen it likes Juno. At least one of the people is also a person that I sleep with occasionally. I sat near the front of rows and rows of people who were watching it and they were all laughing and clapping, and kind of I shrunk back into my seat, and this hasn't happened before and I was really sorry about this.

Someone (the person I know who I am friends with and who also sleeps with me sometimes) gave me this really nice hip flask for my birthday, it says "William" on it in fancy letters, and I accidentally put a really big dent in it and I haven't told her about it yet and this might be an additional problem, but anyway I felt really glad that I had it and had filled it with cheap rum previously. I eventually put aside the popcorn that I'd bought somewhere else (it was at a student cinema in a lecture room so you have to sneak it in), and instead I went through half a flask of this rum as I was lying back in my seat. I hated Juno so much that it turned me to drink. I hated Juno so much that I didn't listen to music later, even though I kind of wanted to. I hated Juno so much that I listened intently to the speech patterns of those around me when I walked around afterwards. I hated Juno so much I'm not sure I'll ever be able to call anyone 'Dude' again. I hated Juno so much that I stopped hating Stuff White People Like quite so much, well I didn't hate the concept so much anyway, its review for Juno is just as fatuous and lazy as the rest of the site. I hated Juno so much that I started to see why films like A Taste Of Honey should exist. I hated Juno so much that it made me like an English social realism film. Based on a play. That I'm studying.

And I feel really bad about it because I'm not usually a guy that seriously hates stuff like this and now I hate a film that all my friends like and I'm writing it on the internet and yes I've been drinking but seriously, play another piece of indie guitar music and I'll smash you in the face with a two by four, physical manifestation of Juno. Use any form of title sequence or poster design made to look like a drawing in the back of an exercise book and I'll throw rocks at your mother. Have a collection of characters who all talk like you're meant to love their wit and I will shout stuff. Use brand names to imply that things are indie, or indeed seriously play up to any concept of "indie"-ness (I actually don't know what the word means but it disturbs and irritates me), then, I'll, um, do something. Play what is generally called an "indie" guitar song on the soundtrack for what must have been the third time in the movie, and then immediately afterwards have your characters play exactly the same guitar song all over again, and I'll twitch and scratch at myself a lot.

Basically, if any character uses a phrase anything like 'I don't like her, she's...Different', you are a very bad movie.

I'm really sorry. I'm not normally this much of a dick.

Oh also I'm not making MiniDV for a while, concentrating on other slightly less unfinished projects first. I don't know what to say.

Quite like using italics though.

1 comment:

Caution Wet Paint said...

i am yet to see juno - hah, and i think i am a serious film maker...